Have you ever heard it said of someone that they are “the black sheep of the family”? Perhaps it feels familiar, this idea that one person is the problem, one person is the root of the conflict. Maybe you feel blamed and feel like you are the problem, or maybe you feel confident that another person is the problem for you! Either way, we family therapists have learned that this kind of thinking will not help you untangle anything. We all are shaped by the patterns that exist in our family, typically expressed in multiple generations, and it takes energy to change your own way of being in the family patterns. Part of you may feel always like the child when you return to your parents as an adult, while at the same time a different part of you knows you are an independent adult and can respond differently!
When I work with multiple people in a family or in a partnership or some other kind of relationship, I will be curious to get to know each person and how each of you are interconnected. The truth is that we all impact each other and the larger group, and how you relate to each other matters in the system of your relationships. It may be that you need help improving cooperation to all move in the same direction. It also may be that you each need more space to function in the way that is uniquely right for you, while maintaining the larger relationship. Each generation has a perspective that is important, and stress impacts each person a little differently.
Through IFS, I can help you learn what feelings and thoughts typically are involved for each of you when you all get stuck and how to move into a more calm, curious space with each other. I look forward to helping you strengthen your ability to communicate clearly with each other to be understood and to have your needs met, without extreme emotions or conflict that may have been a problem. I will support your goals and help you to hold space for what you all can accomplish together!